As exam season approaches and the end of the school year draws near, many children and young people begin to experience an increase in stress. Whether it’s academic pressure or the emotional upheaval of change, these periods can feel overwhelming. This guide explores why exams and transitions may be stressful for children — and offers practical ways to support them.

Exam Stress

Most people find exams stressful, and children and adolescents are no exception. However, they may not always be able to express this clearly. Instead, stress can show up in behaviour — irritability, tearfulness, disrupted sleep, headaches, or physical complaints are common signs.

Understanding Trauma, Regulation, and the Role of Therapy

During my practice as a psychoanalytic child psychotherapist, I often meet children whose emotional and behavioural struggles are deeply rooted in past experiences of relational trauma.

What Is Complex Trauma?

Complex, or relational trauma, refers to repeated exposure to frightening and / or neglectful experiences, usually within caregiving relationships in childhood.

Experiences of complex trauma impact a child’s brain in profound ways:

• The parts responsible for fear and threat become overactive
• The systems that regulate emotion and enable a child to build trusting relationships may become underdeveloped
• Although trauma experienced in infancy and very early years cannot be consciously recalled in memory, it is still remembered in the brain and emotional world of the child.

Children & young people who have experienced complex trauma may present with a wide range of difficulties including;

• Aggression or self-harm
• Anxiety or panic
• Social withdrawal
• emotional shutdown
• Regressive behaviours (e.g., bedwetting or soiling)
• Highly emotional responsive to everyday situations

How Can Parents and Carers Support a Child After Trauma?

Thankfully we know recovery from trauma is possible — and it begins with consistent, repeated experiences of safety with trusted adults.

• Parents & carers can help by talking calmly to their child when they’re experiencing big or overwhelming feelings, reassuring them, and finding ways to help them back to a regulated state. This is not a time for complex discussions.
• If agitated: offer physical activity to release energy and tension
• If anxious: use calming, soothing activities
• If shutdown and withdrawn create safety and warmth to help them venture back towards you again

Talk only when your child is feeling safe and calm, try to discover triggers and feelings together .

How Can Therapy Help?

Children who have experienced complex trauma might be in a safe home, but relate to the world around them as if they are still under threat. The effects of the past continue into the present, these children often have lots of feelings in their bodies, and few or no words to make sense of their experiences, or why they are struggling now.

Specific trauma informed therapies, such as psychoanalytic child psychotherapy, help children to make sense of their experiences, find words for feelings, and develop an understanding of current difficulties, enabling healing and recovery.

Caring for a child who has experienced trauma is emotionally demanding, and often confusing. It is important parents and carers are offered specialist support to enable them to understand the link between their child’s behaviour and emotions, and support them to developing trauma informed responses that are helpful for their child.

If you have any questions or would like to talk about how therapy might help, please feel free to reach out.

Discovering that your child is self-harming can be an incredibly distressing experience. It’s not uncommon for parents and carers to feel overwhelmed with a mix of emotions — fear, sadness, confusion, guilt, and even anger.

Why does self-harm happen?

Self-harm is a sign of emotional distress and an attempt to manage or express feelings that feel too overwhelming, or difficult to put into words. There can be many reasons that cause someone to harm themselves; the reasons are different for everyone, and unique to the individual.

It might be very difficult for parents or carers to understand why their child has harmed themselves. Parents or carers may feel hurt, or helpless. It is important to understand is that self-harm is a communication of distress — a signal that something is wrong, and not attention-seeking

How Can Parents & Carers Help?

There are several things’ parents and carers can do to help their child who is self-harming.

• Let them know you’re there

Tell your child that you’re glad they told you or that you found out. Let them know that they’re not in trouble — you’re here to support them.

• Offer time to talk

Encourage your child to talk about their worries or difficult feelings. It’s okay if they can’t fully explain their worries or feelings, and you don’t need to be able to fix things instantly. Listening and being supportive is what is needed.

• Create Less Harmful Alternatives

Try to identify less harmful ways for your child to cope with difficult feelings, talk about this with your child. Try to create a space between experiencing distressing feelings, and self-harming actions. This might include physical activities, or different ways of distracting unless the intense feelings have subsided.

• Remove means where appropriate

If your child uses specific objects to harm themselves, discuss with them removing or restricting access to these as a support — not as punishment.

-If you have ongoing concerns about self-harm, it is important to seek professional help as soon as possible.

If you have any questions or would like to talk about how therapy might help, please feel free to reach out.

Psychoanalytic child psychotherapy is a highly specialised, doctorate-level, evidence-based approach used to treat emotional, behavioural, and mental health difficulties in children and young people.

Psychoanalytic child psychotherapy can help with a wide range of difficulties, including complex issues that other therapies may not have been able to address.

Psychoanalytic child psychotherapists are able to observe and interpret subtle communications and emotions expressed by children. Our training and approach differs greatly to that of psychologists or counsellors.

This highly specialist therapy does not rely solely on spoken words, making this approach particularly suitable for children who struggle to talk about or identify their feelings.

During therapy sessions with younger children play is the main medium of communication. Older children and adolescents may also use play or drawing alongside talking. Through the therapy process psychoanalytic child psychotherapists help children find words to express their worries and understand troubling emotions.