Discovering that your child is self-harming can be an incredibly distressing experience. It’s not uncommon for parents and carers to feel overwhelmed with a mix of emotions — fear, sadness, confusion, guilt, and even anger.
Why does self-harm happen?
Self-harm is a sign of emotional distress and an attempt to manage or express feelings that feel too overwhelming, or difficult to put into words. There can be many reasons that cause someone to harm themselves; the reasons are different for everyone, and unique to the individual.
It might be very difficult for parents or carers to understand why their child has harmed themselves. Parents or carers may feel hurt, or helpless. It is important to understand is that self-harm is a communication of distress — a signal that something is wrong, and not attention-seeking
How Can Parents & Carers Help?
There are several things’ parents and carers can do to help their child who is self-harming.
- Let them know you’re there
Tell your child that you’re glad they told you or that you found out. Let them know that they’re not in trouble — you’re here to support them.
- Offer time to talk
Encourage your child to talk about their worries or difficult feelings. It’s okay if they can’t fully explain their worries or feelings, and you don’t need to be able to fix things instantly. Listening and being supportive is what is needed.
- Create Less Harmful Alternatives
Try to identify less harmful ways for your child to cope with difficult feelings, talk about this with your child. Try to create a space between experiencing distressing feelings, and self-harming actions. This might include physical activities, or different ways of distracting unless the intense feelings have subsided.
- Remove means where appropriate
If your child uses specific objects to harm themselves, discuss with them removing or restricting access to these as a support — not as punishment.
-If you have ongoing concerns about self-harm, it is important to seek professional help as soon as possible.
If you have any questions or would like to talk about how therapy might help, please feel free to reach out.
About Me
As a member of the Association of Child Psychotherapists (ACP), a UK-regulated professional body, I uphold the highest standards of training and care. My six-year, doctorate-level training reflects the rigorous requirements for ACP-registered child psychotherapists, a core profession within NHS CAMHS teams in the UK.
I am a psychoanalytic child and adolescent psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience in specialist Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) in the UK. Now based in Clarkson, Western Australia, I am establishing my own practice to support children, young people, and families.
